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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29177664">preparations</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourlocalheartbreaker/pseuds/yourlocalheartbreaker'>yourlocalheartbreaker</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>sumayyah writes drabbles! [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Gen, Hurt Aaron Hotchner, Hurt No Comfort, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Post-Episode: s05e09 100, Sad Aaron Hotchner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:47:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>394</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29177664</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourlocalheartbreaker/pseuds/yourlocalheartbreaker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>aaron hotchner had always been prepared for his son to grow up without a son. he had prepared for that. he had never once considered that jack would be growing up without a mother.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaron Hotchner &amp; Jack Hotchner, Aaron Hotchner/Haley Hotchner (past)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>sumayyah writes drabbles! [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2142066</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>preparations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>for those of you that follow my tumblr, you may realise that this was originally posted in september 2020. it was, but i never put it on ao3 because it didn't feel worthy of going on here because of how short it was... but like this is an archive and i saw that post again about how all your fics deserve a title and some tags so here we are! i'm cross-posting them all now!</p>
<p>tw: minor character death</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hotch always knew his job as an FBI agent was dangerous. He always knew there was a chance he may not make it home at the end of a case- especially not as a profiler. Haley, deep down, also knew this, even though she always said everything would be fine every single time he left. It was why they were married for so long before having Jack. Hotch was terrified.</p>
<p>Then he realised life was too short to be terrified of death. And they had their baby. But after Vincent Perrotta almost strangled him to death, the terror came back.</p>
<p>So he started preparing. He wrote cards for every birthday, wrote a letter for every single special occasion- first steps, first day of school, first football game, first detention, kiss, crush, everything. Him and Haley bought a camera and recorded so many videos for Jack to watch. They even got them all developed. </p>
<p>He drew. He wrote. He filmed. He prepared for his son to only know about his father through stories and these little pieces he created. He even wrote a letter for Jack to read if he did indeed die in the line of duty. Haley read all of them after he wrote them. She also slept a little closer the nights he was home.</p>
<p>Hotch was prepared for his son to grow up without a father.</p>
<p>He never prepared for it to be his mother that was killed. They had never prepared for it to be her. Because it was never supposed to be. She was supposed to be the one watching videos of him with Jack, not the other way round.</p>
<p>On a day where Jessica had Jack, he took the box containing everything- every single letter, card, video, photo, drawing- that he had created for him and he tore it to shreds. He did with tears in his eyes and a pit in his stomach and a tremble in his hands but he did it.</p>
<p>And when he was faced with the destruction, he fell to his knees and begged for Haley to forgive him and for someone to help him undo the damage he’d inflicted on every single thing he’d ruined.</p>
<p>But there was no one there. He cleared the mess up alone. And he started drafting the one letter he’d never been able to before.</p>
<p>The apology.</p>
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